Daniel Gale: Cum Shots
by Annetteskitty
Summary: Oddball outtakes and alternative POVs from Daniel Gale: Cumming to America. Who knows what delights you might find in here?
1. Cumming Online

**A/N: I don't own Twilight or The Bad Mother's Handbook. I'm just having some pervy fun with the characters.** **This outtake is rated M. If you are of an easily offended or delicate nature, please do not read this. **

**Thank you so much to Rosmarina and Bookgeek80 who looked this over, corrected what they could, and shook their heads.  
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**Daniel Gale: Cumming Online

It was Salisbury steak night in the cafeteria. Ms. Rie, the friendly dinner lady, snuck me an extra portion as she smiled.

"Dude you really have a way with the ladies" Emmett laughed and gazed longingly at my plate special.

"I don't know what you are talking about," I replied. Truly, I was perplexed.

"That hot cougar just slipped you the biggest piece of meat she had. Plus, she snuck an extra slab buried underneath the mashed fauxtatoes and gravy."

Just as Emmett spoke, Ms. Rie slipped a side plate on my tray. On it was a baked potato smothered in baked beans and cheese – one of my favorites from home. "You need a little more meat on those bones, sweetie." I blushed as she gave me her offering and walked away. I couldn't help but stare for a moment at her delightfully robust rump.

"OK, I admit it she often slips me an extra treat." I shyly smiled at Emmett and pushed my glasses back up my nose.

"There! That's it! You have to stop doing that, Danny Boy. Working your geeklicious magic on the ladies is just not fair to them. You are practically taking advantage." Emmett elbowed me in the ribs. _Doh!_

Now I knew he was teasing. "Alright mate, I will try and tone down my sex appeal." I elbowed him back.

"Shit man, that hurt!" Emmett chuckled and grabbed his side. "Hey, can I have some of that potato?"

"Sure mate, I'll always share my booty with you!" I replied.

We walked over to a large table and joined Eric, Tyler and a few of their friends for a lovely meal and conversation. Emmett was still hungry so I gave him my extra steak.

After dinner, Emmett went to the library to study for an upcoming midterm exam in his engineering class. It wasn't for a couple of days so I was proud of him for getting an early start on his studying. He was meeting with a group from his class to go over each other's notes in the library. I hoped they didn't see any of the artwork in his margins.

I got online to check my email and my usual science blogs when I realized I was finally alone. And I mean ALONE, alone and I would finally have a few moments alone for some self pleasure that did not take place in a men's room stall.

I had once been approached once by a very nice girl on Twitter named IvanaHaveurdickinme for some sexual relations on the internet and I had admit that I was rather curious about what that would entail. I had previously set up a Gmail account for such purposes if I ever had the courage to try it out. I logged on and immediately saw that Ivana was online. I started a chat session:

**19yovirgin: Hello, Ivana. How are you this evening?**

**Ivana:** hey baby. I am chatting with a friend. wanna join?

**19yovirgin: That sounds delightful. I am feeling rather lonely tonight. I could use the company.**

**Ivana:** ok cool hang on

***PapaBear69:** enters chat*****

**Ivana:** hey big poppa

**19yovirgin: Hello PapaBear69! How are you this evening? I must admit I have never done this sort of thing before but I am becoming engorged just thinking about it.**

**PapaBear69:** I thought your friend was a girl?

**Ivana:** no i said my friend was a 19 year old virgin

**19yovirgin: I am!**

**PapaBear69:** Uh…OK…I guess.

**Ivana:** ur gf sounds cute, i am not skinny like that i am curvy and soft

**PapaBear69:** I like curvy and soft.

**19yovirgin: Me too!**

**Ivana:** and not young, i just turned 40

**PapaBear69:** I like older women.

**19yovirgin: Me too!**

**Ivana:** I have a question, is anal sex messy?? i would be worried about that, kwim?

**Papabear69:** Anal doesn't usually get messy. Long as the girl uses the bathroom if she has to go

**Ivana: **i never had any problems just curious if you did

**Papabear69:** its really easy to make women who like anal to squirt.

**19yovirgin: :-O Squirt what?**

**Ivana:** i have seen that in porn…very interesting

**Papabear69:** It does happen

**19yovirgin: How is that medically possible? Has that been documented in the peer reviewed literature?**

**Papabear69:** I suspect some of those pornos are just girls peeing,

**Ivana:** mmm maybe, maybe not

**Papabear69:** But some women do squirt

**19yovirgin: ****I really suspect that is urine!**

**Ivana:** you got to get right up on the g spot

**19yovirgin: I would like to find the G-spot!**

**Ivana:** i tried to will myself to squirt before, didnt work

**Papabear69:** Can't really will it. Not every woman can, but I have made quite a few do it for their first time.

**Papabear69:** It does happen

**19yovirgin: I am quite sure we are talking about urine here!**

**Papabear69:** Anal girls tend to squirt easier I think something about a dick in the ass, while the pussy is played with works for lots of women

**Ivana:** ok, well im not that lucky

**Ivana:** Daniel have u seen a girl squirt?

**19yovirgin: Honestly, I have never even seen a vagina!**

**PapaBear69:** That is sad.

**19yovirgin: Well, I am not too happy about it either.**

**Ivana:** your sporting 8.5 papabear? Impressive... are u working right now papabear?

**PapaBear69:** I am working.

**Ivana:** you should ask ur gf to scream Papa bear next time when she cums

**PapaBear69: **Hahahaha I might just do that. By the way, I love big soft women. I always have. Sexy

**Ivana:** mm thanks I appreciate that

**19yovirgin: ****Me too! I like big butts and I cannot lie! LOL!**

**PapaBear69:** Its true. As I said earlier I don't really have a type. A big, sexy woman turns me on. For real

**19yovirgin: I love thick, voluptuous women!**

**Ivana:** well then its your lucky day!

**PapaBear69:** Really? Why is that?

**Ivana:** i am sexy, I am curvy and i am a woman

**19yovirgin: You sound beautiful, Ivana. Are you from Russia?**

**PapaBear69:** And you're super nice too which makes you even hotter!

**Ivana:** yes super nice and pervy and russian

**PapaBear69:** I like that.

**19yovirgin: Me too! I like it when girls are nice to me.**

**Ivana:** im in bed

**PapaBear69:** Are you naked?

**Ivana: **nope i can be

**19yovirgin: I can't get naked because I am sitting at my desk and my roommate could come back anytime now.**

**PapaBear69:** Someday I hope to see what you look like. Just messaging with you turns me on

**Ivana:** well i can be whoever u want me to be boys

**PapaBear69:** I'd rather you just be you

**Ivana:** aww sweet

**PapaBear69:** Whatever you wanna be. Whatever turns you on

**19yovirgin: I think you are very nice, Ivana!**

**Ivana:** did u like my last name

**PapaBear69:** Yes I did. I want MY dick in me

Oops my dick in YOU

**Ivana:** i hope not in yourself, well maybe i would like to see that

**19yovirgin: You last name is very unusual.**

**PapaBear69: **Haha yeah

**Ivana:** do you like to have your girl ride your cock

i like to ride

**PapaBear69:** I do. Its my favorite position

**Ivana:** or you can get me on my knees and grab my hair while you fuck me hardcore-papabear

**PapaBear69:** I would fuck you long and hard

I'd play with your boobs as I pounded your pussy

**19yovirgin: Oh my heavens, that sounds nice!**

**Ivana:** yeah that would feel real good

**PapaBear69:** Do you like receiving oral? I love eating women out

**19yovirgin: ****I have never had a girl perform fellatio on me. It sounds lovely though. :-)**

**Ivana:** umm yes I like it very much

**19yovirgin: I'd like to perform cunnilingus on a nice girl but I am not sure how.**

**PapaBear69: **Fuck, I have an enormous hard on!

**19yovirgin: I am getting an erection too! Ta da!**

**PapaBear69:** I love eating ass.

I'd like to lick your ass

And pussy

And clit

**19yovirgin: I think I would prefer not to do that, eat ass I mean. **

**Ivana:** i would like you to lick my slit from clit to ass and back again and then blow on my ass while you slide your fingers in/out of my hot pussy

**PapaBear69:** Oh my god I would love that. And lightly swirl my tongue around your clit as I slide my fingers in and out of your pussy

**19yovirgin: Um, I suppose I could try that.**

**Ivana:** not lightly, suck hard

**PapaBear69:** Hard? Suck hard while my tongue flicks your clit?

While my wet index finger circles your ass?

And my other finger massages your g spot?

**Ivana:** yes, suck my clit hard, bite it a little while you slide your fingers in/out of both holes

**PapaBear69:** I'd nibble at it.

And stop and lick your pussy then go back to it

**19yovirgin: Bloody Hell! This sounds so complicated!**

**Ivana:** no nibbling, i like it hard

**PapaBear69:** And stick my tongue in your ass

Ill give it to you anyway you want it

I would love to slide my dick inside you and feel how wet you are

**Ivana:** yes, i like it when you use your spit to lube up my ass before you fuck me

**19yovirgin: :-O**

**PapaBear69:** Oh yeah, while you ride me I would stick my finger in your ass and get you warmed up for my cock

**Ivana:** no astroglide for me

**PapaBear69:** No need. my spit and your pussy juice would be enough

I am so hard thinking about your big beautiful ass

**19yovirgin: Me too! I really want to see your big beautiful arse!**

**Ivana:** yes you line your cock up to my ass and slide it in

**19yovirgin: Um, won't that hurt? I don't want to hurt you!**

**PapaBear69:** You would be so tight as my head went in

Then it'll start relaxing

Getting wet and slick

**Ivana:** yes and i dont want it slow and soft, i want it hard and fast, cum on, i can take it

**PapaBear69: **And I would pound your tight ass

**19yovirgin: Oh that sounds delightful! I know a girl who has a big ass and I want to pound it so badly!**

**Ivana:** what would you do to my pussy while you fucked my ass papabear

**PapaBear69:** Holding onto your cheeks and slamming my cock in and out of your asshole

I would be leaning over you, with my hand fucking you

And my fingers going in and out of your pussy.

**19yovirgin: I'd like to spank your bum! :-)**

**19yovirgin: Uh…that last message was for Ivana, just so we are clear on that.**

**PapaBear69:** Slipping and sliding in your pussy juice as my cock pounded your tight asshole

You will moan, and groan,

Your asshole will clench up around my cock

Four fingers will be opening up your pussy

**19yovirgin: That is an awful lot of fingers! Will they all fit?**

**Ivana: **and my pussy is so hot and i need you to flip me over and fuck my hot pussy

**PapaBear69:** My fingers curled up so they can feel my cock in your ass through the walls of your pussy

I'd flip you over and slam my cock into your pussy hard

**Ivana:** oh baby that feels so good

**19yovirgin: Have you washed your hands, PapaBear69? You are going to give the poor girl an infection if you go from her anus to her vagina!**

**PapaBear69:** Oh yeah your right

That wuld be gross

Thanks dude

**PapaBear69:** Then I would fuck you

Fuck you with long hard strokes

Kiss you

Suck on your tongue

**Ivana:** bite my neck

**PapaBear69:** My right hand would be under your ass cheeks

**Ivana:** pinch my nipples real hard

**19yovirgin: Oh I would love to! I have very sensitive nipples, myself.**

**PapaBear69:** My tongue licking your neck

Sucking your nipples

**19yovirgin: Perhaps we could each have one? :-D**

**Ivana:** no licking, suck it hard

**19yovirgin:** **Ivana, I would gladly suck your nipples!**

**PapaBear69:** Pinching them

Sucking them.

Big hard stiff nipples in my mouth

My cheeks sucked in from sucking so hard

My cock slamming your pussy

**Ivana:** i like it rough, no need to be gentle

**PapaBear69:** My finger in your ass

Juices running down your leg

**19yovirgin: That sounds like a lot of juice!**

**Ivana:** i flip you over and climb on top, im almost ready to come

**PapaBear69:** I am too.

**Ivana: **i want to slide my clit over your cock

**PapaBear69:** I grab your ass cheeks

**Ivana:** while u slide in my pussy

**PapaBear69:** And the head of my cock slips in your pussy

**Ivana:** slap my ass papa

i slam down hard

**PapaBear69:** I slap your ass and slam hard on my cock.

I grab your cheeks and thrust upwards to meet you

My I lick my finger and stick it in your asshole

Your slamming me

Riding me

I'm going to come

I'm going to come hard

I feel your pussy get wetter and wetter

**19yovirgin: Um…would it be alright if I pull my penis out of my boxer briefs and touch myself a bit? I am not sure about the proper etiquette in these situations.**

**Ivana: **yes

i am cumming on your cock, i grind down hard and soak your cock

**PapaBear69:** Thats fine

I start to cum and start filling your pussy with cum

I keep thrusting

Screaming as you keep slamming down on me

**Ivana:** noo i throw you down and swallow your cum

**19yovirgin: Now I am confused, but I will just go with it.**

**PapaBear69:** I'm still pumping cum into you

Into your mouth

Jesus I love cumming in your mouth

Getting deep throated

**Ivana:** ugh, it is good

**PapaBear69:** It is good

**19yovirgin: I tasted my semen once and I thought it was rather gross. I wouldn't expect you to lick my semen, Ivana. :)**

**Ivana:** i fall back on the bed

**PapaBear69:** Cum dripping from your mouth

**Ivana:** i want more

**19yovirgin: Really?**

**PapaBear69:** I fall onto the bed too

**Ivana:** i am a h00r

**19yovirgin: Don't say that! I think you are a really nice girl, Ivana. You have always been kind to me! :)**

**PapaBear69:** I want you more

Fuck

Ivana I need to go

I need to go meet up with my friends

**Ivana:** Papabear i need a break

**PapaBear69:** So do I jesus

You turn me on

**19yovirgin: You turn me on too!**

**Ivana: **go in the bathroom and cum for me

**19yovirgin: I am alone here I think I will just crawl up on my bed.**

**PapaBear69:** I wish I could fuck you in real life

**19yovirgin: Me too! **

**19yovirgin: Uh…that message was for Ivana.**

**Ivana:** im gonna cum for you

my fingers are wet

**19yovirgin: I bet you look lovely when you have an orgasm!**

**PapaBear69:** I am gonna go cum for you right now

My cock is so hard

I need to cum

**Ivana:** stroke it

**19yovirgin: That feels really good. I wish I had a nice girl like you to fornicate with.**

**PapaBear69:** In your big sweet ass

I'm going to

**19yovirgin: I would be happy to ejaculate wherever you wanted me to. I can do it more than once. I have lots of pent up energy. ;-)**

**Ivana:** across my lips

slap my mouth with your cock

**19yovirgin: Well, OK if that is where you want it.**

**PapaBear69:** I need to cum now

Across your face and lips

I need to go into the bathroom and cum

**Ivana:** i slide your cock between my tits and suck on the head, hard

**PapaBear69:** Omg I need to cum

**19yovirgin: So do I!**

**Ivana:** i slide my hand to your ass and circle around your ass

**PapaBear69:** I like that.

I'm so hard

**Ivana:** i lick my finger and slide it inside

**19yovirgin: Well that sounds very interesting. I think I'd like to try that. With a nice girl, of course.**

**PapaBear69:** Jesus

**Ivana: **i bite at your cock, stick my tongue across the hole and blow

**PapaBear69:** Keep going

**19yovirgin: I don't think I would like that. :-(**

**Ivana: **my fingers are rubbing my clit, hard, pinching it

im gonna cum

**PapaBear69:** I'm in the bathroom now

**Ivana:** take your cock out

**PapaBear69:** It is

**Ivana: **my pussy is so wet, srsly

**PapaBear69:** I'm gonna cum soon

**19yovirgin: Me too!**

**Ivana:** im using one hand to type

**PapaBear69:** Cumming

**Ivana: **your cock is so hot

I slide my mouth down your shaft and cup your balls

my finger goes back to your ass

i lick down the side of your cock to your balls

are you stroking your cock?

**PapaBear69:** I came

**19yovirgin: Oh my! I just ejaculated on my sweater. **

**Ivana:** all over my mouth

licks lips

wanna lick my finger

i did

**19yovirgin: I would love to lick your finger!**

**PapaBear69:** I came hard

Wow

**Ivana: **me too bb, me too

**PapaBear69:** Jesus

I need to go

Wow

**19yovirgin: It is wool, how am I going to explain that to the dry cleaners?**

**PapaBear69:** just use some soda on it after wiping off the jizz

hang it up to dry

It will be fine

**Ivana:** ok boys, till we meet again...xoxoxo

**PapaBear69:** Good night

**Ivana:** mwah

**19yovirgin:** **Goodbye to you both. I had fun.**

**PapaBear69:** Later dude

Talk soon Ivana

**Ivana:** for sure

**19yovirgin: I hope so! Good bye.**

********  
**

After my rather interesting and productive chat session, I did just as PapaBear69 said and rinsed out my sweater with the closest thing to soda water I had handy – a can of lemon lime soda. I then rinsed out the spot with tap water and hung it up to dry over the edge of my bunk.

After getting ready to retire early, I climbed up on my bunk to settle in with my psychology text book for a little reading. About an hour later Emmett came back, very chipper.

"Good study session? Everything went well?" I asked.

"Yeah, my notes were almost complete. Once we all compared and were set, I took a break in the computer lab to check my email." Emmett had a huge grin on his face. "Dude, when I got online I met this really cool Russian chick named Ivana! I could tell she was totally hot!"

_Oh no!_ My face instantly fell.

In a brief moment, Emmett read my mind and glanced at my sweater hanging off my bunk with a big wet spot on the front. He got very serious and reached for his blue bathrobe.

"I Uh…I-I am just going to grab my things and take a shower," he said as he gathered his shower necessities and walked out.

I collapsed on my bunk, pulled the covers over my head and suddenly felt very dirty.

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**A/N: Please l****et me know what you think. Was it too much? ****Have you ever been in a raunchy cyberchat session? Got any ideas for outtakes or POVS that you would like to see? **

**For authenticity, this was based on a real Gchat session with the lovely Annette2.0h (starring as Ivana Haveurdickinme) and a man we met on Twitter. We laughed so hard! Thank you bb!!**** Annette2.0h is also known as ****dazzzledtina on Twitter. Her**** blog of guilty pleasures ---**** dazzledbytina(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**Thanks also to Goldenmeadow and Tasteycake0779 for pre-reading and encouraging me to post this.  
**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated!**


	2. Her Forbidden Student

**A/N: We don't own Twilight, The Bad Mother's Handbook or the awful books mentioned in this CumShot. (Yes, they are painfully real. One of them is even free on Kindle over at Amazon! ) **

**This outtake was brought to you by the lovely Twistedcoincidence who offers us a glimpse of Daniel through the eyes of a mysterious and imaginative young maiden.**

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Daniel Gale: Her Forbidden Student

By Twistedcoincidence

College was supposed to be where I finally fit in, where I met people more like me and less like the Barbie I was currently walking next to. I had big plans. My roommate was going to be enlightened and open-minded. We were going to stay up discussing literature and comparing love lives. So much for that.

Not that Bree is horrible. She's just very enthusiastic and eager to reform me of my ways. According to her, chapstick does not qualify as make-up. She then proceeded to recite what I think may be an ad for Victoria's Secret Beauty line. She should get paid for all that.

I push my glasses up on my nose and shove my hand into bag feeling for my ever-present romance novel. The last thing I need is for my guilty pleasure to make itself known. My life has been lacking any sense of spark and that's what my novels give me.

Something about being able to lose myself in the world of handsome stable boys and taboo romance gives me an escape. Plus the sex scenes are so vivid. The idea of people losing control, giving up everything for forbidden love makes my heart flutter. And other parts tingle. I just have to make sure all of that stays hidden. I didn't want a repeat of when my mom discovered my hobby.

We push through the doors to the lecture hall and I take in the huge space. Definitely not in high school anymore. I head towards the back row, but Bree grabs my arm.

"Sitting in the back row is for people who don't want to be seen," she scolds me. Instead, she leads me to the direct center of the room. I clutch at my bag, keeping my secrets from spilling out. Bree hasn't found out about my reading yet. Not that she would necessarily mind. She might want to borrow a couple to read up on possible techniques.

"This way everyone has a good view of us," she informs me. She sits down and immediately begins scanning the room. I almost follow suit, but instead slump a little in my chair, trying not to draw attention to myself.

I watch as Bree makes eyes at most every guy that entered the room and I wonder how often our double room will be housing three instead of two.

"Good God, there are a lot of good-looking guys in here. I really hope we have some group projects!" she squeals. I smile slightly and watch as someone struggles across the row. No one moves their feet as he mutters 'excuse me' every few seconds. People are so rude.

His shoulders are slumped, his head ducked, but I let my eyes take in his tall, thin frame. My cheeks flame as instantly I picture him dressed as a stable boy. His sweater is suddenly torn down the center, exposing his rippling muscles, just as I'm about to reach out and touch those glistening muscles, Bree shifts next to me My heart races a little, and I glance over at Bree to see if she notices my momentary fantasy.

I lean forward a little and take in his colorful stripped sweater. He swipes his hand across his forehead, pushing his messy hair out of his eyes. There's something about him, I can't put my finger on it, but it's so appealing. He leans forward and fishes through his bag. The back of his sweater gapes and I see his name sewn into the collar. DANIEL.

The professor clears his throat and I lean back in my seat, a little stunned. The lecture begins, but all I can focus on is the boy in front of me. He's meticulous about his note taking, his pencil scribbling furiously across the paper. I bet he's thorough. I bet he never leaves any one wanting, needing.

My wind wanders again and this time Daniel's a pirate. A scarf wrapped around that amazing hair and a sash on his lean waist. I chew on my lip as the fantasy grows and my heart rate speeds up. The room fades away and we're on a ship, he's at the helm with the wind blowing through his hair, his strong hands steering and I run my hand over his muscular arm and broad shoulders.

I shake the thoughts from my head and sink lower into my seat. This has never happened before. Usually I'm happy for my fantasy men to be largely faceless. I watch as Daniel pushes his glasses up on his nose.

When the professor dismisses us I stay in my seat, eager for another look at Daniel. He stands and fumbles with his messenger bag a little. His eyes meet mine for a moment and he smiles slightly. My mouth falls open and I scramble for words. Before I can find even a 'hello' he's stumbled down the aisle.

I watch as he stops and talks to two girls. I strain to hear his voice and I can barely make out his soft accent. He's British! My heart flutters and I sigh. Images of him dressed as an 1800's lord fill my mind. Maybe I could be his chamber maid. I could draw his bath after a long day on the moor. He would sink into the heated water, steam rising from his lanky body. Then I would bathe him. My hands sudsing over every inch of his white pasty skin. His breathing is hard and uneven as my hand dips below the water to wash the dirtiest parts.

"Excuse me." I hurry to move my feet as another student makes his way down the aisle and out of the room. I am seriously going to need to tone down my reading. More school, less smut. My eyes flicker over to Daniel again. He just makes such good raw material.

He shuffles his feet often, looking down more often than up as he speaks to the girls. The first of the girls is thin and blonde with an unnatural skin tone. She looks generally irritated by him, and I kind of want to shove her over. The other girl… She's pretty, I can't deny that, but the thing that bothers me is Daniel's reaction to her.

His eyes are fixated on the brunette and an unfamiliar feeling runs through me. Why couldn't I have just talked to him? She's smiling at him, even touching him. My stomach drops. I wish I had the guts to do that.

"Awww. Do you have a little crush?" Bree's voice breaks in. My eyes widen and I shake my head as I turn back towards her. The last thing I need is her knowing about my feelings.

"No, I just… really like his sweater," I stammer. Bree chuckles and pats my head. I lean away from her touch. My eyes dart back over to the sweater boy. He's headed out of the room, close to the two girls. I resist the urge to get up and follow him.

"Oh Charlotte, you don't have to hide it. You two would make adorable nerd babies. I'm totally going to help you!" she announces. I chew on my lip. Maybe I could use help….

"You don't have to, Bree. I know you're busy with all your extra curricular activities," I try to steer her away from the project. She claps her hands and bounces in her seat. Uh-oh.

"I can always make time for my roomie. And plus, it's all kinds of good karma to help the less fortunate," she states seriously. I fight the urge to roll my eyes. I stand and we make our way out of the classroom. When we step into the walkway, my eyes scan the large area for the telling stripped sweater, but alas, nothing.

Bree chatters away about her master plan to bring me and my sweater boy together. I wish he _were_ my sweater boy. It's more likely that he'll be the pretty brunette's sweater boy though instead. I try not to flinch as words like 'makeover' and 'waxing' are tossed around like candy. By the time we make it back to McCarty Hall I've reached my limit. I need to escape into my novels.

We enter the room and my hand twitches for some forbidden romance. Bree settles in and I know she's not going anywhere. I'm not quite ready to wave my romance fan flag. I toy with the idea of taking my novel to the bathroom, no one could see what I'm reading in the stalls. My stomach growls and I have a new excuse.

"I'm going to check out the cafeteria. You want to come?" I ask as we set our bags down. Bree's face screws up like I suggested eating snails.

"I'm going to work on my calendar," she explains. I nod seriously and back out of the room before another lecture about the importance of social status begins. As I shut the door behind me I feel like a weight has been lifted. I reach into my bag and pull out my novel. I carefully fold my book over, hiding the cover from unwanted attention.

The hallways are sparse and I make my way quickly to the cafeteria. My eyes wander, taking in the fliers for on campus activities and people milling about. I tuck my book under my arm and reach for a plate. The special looks like Mexican, but I wander towards the salad bar instead. The selection isn't bad – lots of veggies. I work my way down the line slowly.

The baby corn calls my name and I reach for the prongs. Another head reaches for the corn at the same time and I pull back quickly.

"I'm sorry," we say on unison. His accent is apparent immediately. Daniel! My eyes lift and meet his and he blushes. Could he be any cuter? I force my eyes down, the last thing I need is for him to realize how drawn to him I am.

"You go first," I insist. He shakes his head. I try to fight back the smile. If he's in this cafeteria then he most likely lives in my dorm. What amazing luck!

"My nan taught me to always let ladies go first. Please," he offers. I smile slightly and place a couple of the tiny cobs on my plate. I offer him the tongs and he takes them. He smiles at me again and I feel those tingles. My tongue darts out to lick my lips and for just a moment I wonder what he looks like under his sweater. Probably like one of those hotties on the cover of one of my novels. The stable boy on my most recent novel has nothing on him. I would much rather see the glorious white expanse of Daniel's broad chest, possibly a little hair trailing down his lithe body. His path of passion directing me towards his stirring manhood. His arms flexed as he performs his stable duties. Perhaps he is even taming a wild stallion as his shirt tails flutter in the breeeze.

"Thank you," I reply. I watch him out of the corner of my eye as I inch down the bar. He sure likes his veggies.

"You're welcome. I love this salad bar. Did you know they have different themes for the food here every night? I find the food here quite delicious," he announces. I smile at his admission. He could keep talking about anything and I would want to listen to that sexy accent.

"Do you know what the theme is tonight?" I ask even though I know the answer already. He looks up at me over the sneeze guard, the tongs still clutched in his hand. He's finally standing up straight and he's taller than I thought.

"Tonight is Tex Mex! The fantastic women who work here always write it on that board just outside the doors," he answers. I smile again and nod. My mind battles to think of anything else to say to keep him talking, but it goes blank, like it usually does when I get overexcited. I hesitate at the dressing before skipping it. I don't want him to think I am indulging.

"Thank you for all your help," I say as I back away from the station. His eyes rise again and I get a full smile. It's a little lopsided and couldn't be more perfect. Much better than the roguish smile of the Highlander in my favorite Scottish novels. He would look amazing in a kilt. Even better if a strong wind blew and he choose to be traditional and not wear anything underneath.

"Of course. It was very nice meeting you," he states. I smile again, my legs quivering a little.

"You too," I answer softly and turn away before I can embarrass myself. He makes me nervous and I don't know why. It could be that fact that I am progressively picturing him as every leading male in my books.

I make my way to an empty table and hope that he will sit with me. He walks towards me, but then waves enthusiastically at a bigger guy and some girls at a table just to my right. I switch chairs so I can watch him more clearly.

My book serves as the perfect shield as I watch. The bigger guy is loud, so loud I can hear most things he says. Girls flock to his table, but Daniel seems nervous. He greets every girl and his eyes linger a little on a couple of their chests. So he's a boob guy. I look down at my own average set. Not promising.

The bigger guy is laughing and telling everyone to stop by their room for hot meat later. I almost drop my fork when I hear him. My overactive imagination does funny things with that statement. For the first time since I've sat down my eyes actually focus on the words in front of me. My fantasies do not need the added encouragement of those suggestive words. Does no one else see the better meaning of 'hot meat'?

I finish my salad slowly, getting lost in a world of medieval chivalry, with Daniel staring as my knight. Gone are the long locks and brown eyes. Replaced with messy brown hair and blue eyes. My breath hitches as the knight strips out of his armor and stands proud and naked in front of the shy maiden. Sir Daniel keeps the impressive anatomy of the hero. As the knight mounts the maiden I cross my legs and duck my head, trying to hide my fiery reaction.

All the heat and tingling brings me to another problem with the new roommate, release. I can only hope that Bree will spend as many nights out as she is planning. Between Daniel and my novels I'm going to need to help myself out.

When my plate is cleared I stand slowly, my eyes lingering on the table in the corner. My stomach jumps up into my throat. He's gone. I got so caught up in my novel and the fantasy Daniel, he left without me knowing.

As I sulk towards the trash cans, I bump into someone. My novel falls from my hands. I immediately kneel to recover it, but a rainbow-covered arm beats me to it.

"Oh!" I exclaim. My cheeks burn again. We stand at the same time. He turns the novel over in his hands, his eyes taking in the cover. His mouth falls open just a little before he offers it back to me.

"This looks like a good read," he smiles. My words stick to the back of my throat. I take the novel back and tuck it back into its rightful place under my arm. My face is on fire, and I can't even meet his eyes even though I want to.

"Have you read a wide range of romantic literature?" he asks. He moves his weight from one foot to another as he waits for my answer. I swallow thickly.

"They're my favorite," I answer honestly. He nods enthusiastically at me.

"Do you find them informative? Educational?" he presses. I want to sink into the floor. Of all the people to discover my fetish, why did it have to be him?

"There are a lot of detailed scenes. It's very… stimulating." I stammer. Having this conversation is making my body do weird things. I'm hot all over. Daniel nods along with my words.

"Uh… I'm always looking for ways to expand my knowledge base. If you find them informative maybe you can recommend one to me?" he asks. I can think of a hundred different novels I would love him to read, out loud to me and then star in.

"My favorite is _His Lady Mistress_. I have it in my room. Maybe you'd like to borrow it?" I offer. This boldness is unexpected. The combination of Daniel and my new courage makes my nipples harden. I cross my arms over my chest.

"That would be very helpful," he informs me. He writes his room number down on some scratch paper.

"How rude of me, I didn't even introduce myself. My name is Daniel." He scrubs his palm on his pants before offering it to me. My eyes linger on his thigh where his hand so recently was. I gulp and force out a hand.

"I'm Charlotte," I squeak. He smiles again and I swoon. He's providing me enough material in this one conversation to place him in at least the next dozen romances I read.

"It was very nice to meet you. Please feel free to drop the book by any time," he says.

"It was nice to meet you, too," I manage.

"Well, I'm going to take advantage of the no-limit salad bar. I'm sure I'll see you soon," he offers. I nod and watch as he walks away from me.

My feet feel heavy as I exit the dining room. My heart still beats a steady staccato in my chest. The fact that I was able to have a conversation with him is such an accomplishment. I clutch my book to my chest and hold back a squeal.

I rush up to my room only to find Bree sprawled out across the floor, a series of magazines spread out in front of her. She glances up at me as I enter. Her eyes widen and a grin stretches across her face.

"What happened?" she demands. I feel my brow furrow. There is no way she could know.

"What do you mean?" I counter. She stands and pears into my eyes.

"You saw the sweater boy," she concludes. My mouth drops open and I guffaw.

"How did you know?" I choke. She squeals and bounces on the balls of her feet. She is in action immediately, rattling off a course of action she thinks I need to take. It includes steps like playing hard to get and making him sweat.

I don't really see the benefit of making him sweat, unless it's in scenario like in my novels… Preferrably the stable boy. Hard labor turns into other things being hard.

This burst of enthusiasm leads Bree to pluck my eyebrows and adjusts my shirts in order to create more 'cleavage and tummy'. The entire time all I can think about is the fact that Daniel wants to read one of my books.

Eventually Bree crashes from her crush high and leaves to search out one of her new 'friends'. I try to work on a few lame first day reading assignments, but I'm distracted by thoughts of Daniel's hair and eyes. Not even my newest novel, _Her Forbidden Pirate_, could distract me.

After a few hours of this torture I dig _His Lady Mistress _out of its hiding place and give myself a pep talk. _I can do this. I can do this._ The internal chant carried me to his door.

I knock on the door and hold my breath. All at once my nerves crash over me. What was I thinking? I turn to leave and the door is pulled open. His big loud roommate appears. He smiles down at me.

"Hey, sweet cheeks. You here for some meat?" he asks. He leans against the door and makes no effort to hide the fact that he's looking me over. I peer around him trying to see Daniel, but only see a few girls scattered around the room.

"I, um, was actually just dropping something off for Daniel," I say softly. His eyebrows rise. His grin spreads and dimples appear.

"Daniel just ran off to the shower," he tells me. I can feel my face fall. All this pep-talking was for nothing. The room behind him erupts into laughter and suddenly the dark-haired girl from earlier appears.

"Who is this, Emmett?" she asks as she ducks under his arm. He smiles at her and kisses the top of her head. This girl must have magical powers.

"Someone looking for our Danny Boy," Emmett tells her. I want to sink into the ground. I keep the book hidden behind me. She smiles widely at me. She seems so nice that I feel bad for ever thinking anything mean about her – even if she does appear to be in the way of me and my leading man.

"I'll just come back later." I start backing away when Emmet calls after me.

"He actually left his special shampoo. Why don't you take it to him?" he asks with a huge grin. He holds out a prescription bottle while the brunette smacks at his hand saying something about leaving me alone.

I reach for the bottle, eager for the chance to see Daniel despite my shrinking confidence. I smile half-heartedly at them both.

"He's in the showers at the end of the hall," Emmett hollers after me as I scurry away. I reach the shower and stand outside trying to boost my nerves. I pace in front of the door with my book in one hand and Daniel's shampoo in the other.

I'm torn between going in and waiting for him outside. My eyes dart to the shampoo, he'll need it before he's done. As I'm pacing, I hear a slight grunting from inside the shower. My feet freeze and I lean towards the door.

There's another grunt and what sounds like a...moan. I'm so close to the door, my ear is all but pressed up against it. I give up on all sense of propriety and press myself flush against the door. The book and shampoo fall to the ground.

It's quiet for a couple seconds and then a long hiss. My heart speeds up. Those noises all together. He can't be…

And then another long moan punctuated by a grunt. My mouth is open and I'm panting. Every new noise is drawing me to press myself even closer to the door. I close my eyes and just as I'm picturing him someone slaps the door beside my head.

"You going in or out?" I jump away from the door and press myself against the wall. I shake my head and the tall boy smirks before shoving his way inside the bathroom. My chest heaves with my breath. I shouldn't have been listening, but how could I stop?

I would have never thought that he would be doing that, but it only makes him more perfect to play the part of my romance hero. I pick my novel up from the floor and clutch it to me still heaving chest. I glance around, anxious that anyone else may have noticed me lingering, listening. Seeing no one, I rush down the hall and back towards my room. Knowing this about Daniel makes him that much more appealing, mysterious.

It's just too bad I'll never be able to look him in the eye ever again.

* * *

**A/N: Have you ever read a romance novel? Come on admit it, you have haven't you? What did you think?**

**I am eternally grateful to Twistedcoincidence (Twicoincidence on Twitter) for writing this CumShot. It was so cute! *hugs* **

**Need help visualizing Daniel staring in a romance novel? Check out the Danielgaleh00rs blog for some hysterical manips by rainsoakedhello. **

**Additional thanks as always to Rosmarina and Bookgeek80 for their mad beta skillz and feedback. **


	3. A Boy and His Pussy

**A/N: We don't own Twilight or The Bad Mother's Handbook. This cum shot is rated M for perv. I hope you like cats. I mean really really like cats!**

**Thanks to Rosmarina for looking this over and giving such great input. I love you, man! ****  
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* * *

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A Boy and His Pussy

By Annetteskitty and FiberKitty

_Sometime in the future... The cat's POV_

~o=o~_  
_

_"I couldn't wait to get home to love and stroke my pussy! Being without you left a small space in my heart that not even Bella could fill. Were you waiting in the window for me just like always, BooBoo Kitty? It's as if I hadn't been away at all. As soon as I walked in the door, here you are rubbing your body sensuously in a figure eight pattern around my ankles, purring up a storm. Yes, give Daddy some love!"_

"Oh, Big D, I missed you so much," I purred. I didn't know how long he'd been gone, but it felt like eternity. Ewww! Big D smelled funny; his scent was covered in someone else's. My nose wrinkled as I twined myself around his legs. I needed to rub myself all over him again. This could take a while.

_"I almost forgot how much I missed my sweet BooBoo Kitty. You have the softest white fur, yes you do! And you are always so frisky. How you love to play! Let's go to Daddy's room, shall we? Heaven's, it looks like you have been sleeping on the same pillow this entire time! I could tell by all the little hairs that you've made it into a nest. You must have missed me terribly, didn't you?"_

I had no idea what he was saying but I always loved the special way that Big D talked to me. He used a sweet voice that no one else did. I knew I was his special girl. In hopes that he would come home soon, I kept his favorite pillow warm so it would be ready for him when he needed to copulate with it. I liked the way it smelled.

Big D was laying down on our bed. He pulled me onto his chest and scratched my neck and ears. I should have been angry at him for going away for so long, but I was a slut.

"Oh yes, that's the sweet spot!" I couldn't help but purr. "Oh, Big D, don't stop. Don't stop." It felt so good, almost like when I snuck out in the back yard and met a tom cat once. Big D didn't let me do anything with Tom, he was too jealous. He loved me just for himself.

"I'm wearing a rainbow collar, just like your pretty sweater." I pawed around on Big D's chest, kneading my claws into the softness. He wasn't as soft as before, but he was still my Big D. Nothing felt as good beneath my paws as him.

_"You love my rainbow sweater, don't you? You know, I've read that cats are sometimes attracted to wool. You must really like the way the wool smells because this sweater is like catnip for you."_

His sweater was so soft and smelled so yummy. I purred and dotted Big D's ear and neck with my little wet nose. Then I smelled his neck. I just had to get inside that sweater! So, I started batting at the neck and crawled inside. Ooooh, his pasty skin was so soft, and I loved his furry chest. I couldn't resist the urge to knead a little bit and rub my face in his fur.

_"BooBoo Kitty! What are you doing inside my sweater? Silly kitty!"_

"Oops! Did my kitty whiskers tickle a nipple?" I was trying not to nibble it, but it was so pink and right there. Big D always let out such nice sounds when he played with them. So I dotted it with my nose and began poking it with my happy paws. I wanted him to make those nice sounds for me.

_"Watch the nips, Kitty. No claws!"_

I was always gentle inside the sweater. I loved to nuzzle Big D's skin and chest fur but once I saw the nip I had to have it. It was so pretty and pink!

_"Aaaaaah! Naughty kitty! No sandpaper tongue or teeth!"_

Unfortunately, one little nip nibble and I was pushed down onto Big D's stomach. It was much firmer than I remembered. I liked it better when it was soft. So I decided to soften it up with my happy paws. Big D fell asleep, enjoying my ministrations.

~o=o~

_"Oh, BooBoo Kitty. I want to go home. My real home. I'm so bored here. All I ever do is wake up, go to work, come home and watch the telly until I fall asleep each night."_

We got back into our little routine. I don't recall ever feeling so content. "I love you," I slowly blinked, staring into his beautiful blue eyes each night while perched on his chest. Sure, there were other people in the house, the ones who changed my kitty box and fed me when my person wasn't here, but I only had eyes for Big D. I loved our daily activities. I would walk him to the door when he went out, greet him when he came home, and watch him eat his dinner, just the two of us. The best times were when Big D stayed home with me all day. He would let me nest on his pillow after he copulated with it. It was our special thing.

Every morning I enjoyed following him into the bathroom. I loved watching him sit on his kitty box. Oops, today he was straining. I should give give some of my malt flavored kitty lube to help move things along. There was nothing more undignified than having dingle berries cut off your bum. I didn't want Big D to suffer through that. "There, there!" I gave him some kitty head rubs on his legs to sooth him. If his trousers hadn't been in the way, I would have used my tongue to clean him and soothe his bunghole.

~o=o~

One afternoon, I pawed at the door and made my way into Big D's bedroom. I hopped on the bed and watched him self pleasure for the the third time that day. Or was it the fourth? I wasn't sure. I can only count to three.

Big D's time was cut short due to the knocking at the door. He immediately started hugging another human. I had rarely ever seen anything like that in this house.

_"God Bella, I've missed you so much. What are you doing here? Never mind, I don't care!"_

There was another pussy in the house, and I didn't like it one bit. She smelled yucky so I got busy rubbing my scent all over her legs. Wait! She smelled like that awful scent on Big D when he came home. Grrr!

_"Look, BooBoo Kitty has taken a real liking towards you! Try scratching her head."_

_"Hi there, sweet kitty!"_

"Hsssssss!" I hissed as I let my feelings be known. "Die, bitch! Die!"

_"I think BooBoo Kitty is a bit cranky today. Come on, love. Let's go into my room."_

"Love?" I didn't know what the word meant, but he used those sounds with me. He shouldn't use them with her. Tomcat stealing bitch. He grabbed her things and took her to our bedroom. I sulked in the window. I knew she would smell up our special place. I finally had Big D back and she had to come interrupt us. Rude bitch. I wanted her to leave.

~o=o~

Unfortunately, she stayed for a long time. While she was here, Big D stopped copulating with our pillow and she wouldn't allow me in when she used her kitty box. If she was around she would hold me and keep me from watching Big D too. She ruined all my fun, so I did everything I could to get rid of her.

"You're not so special. You're just a warm pillow." Mmmm. Pillow. I busied myself kneading Big D's other favorite pillow which smelled only of him and me, the way it should be. The way everything would be again, soon. Very soon.

_"Here, BooBoo! Looky here I have some yummy wet food for you. Daniel says you love this stuff! Not too much though. It's not good for your teeth."_

Wait! What's that smell?

Bitch was trying to buy my affection with my favorite can of Salmon Surprise with Giblet Gravy! It was working. Almost. That coupled with her high-pitched voice and she just about had me.

_"Who's a pretty kitty? Who's a sweet pretty kitty?"_

Yeah, keep cooing. Did I happen to mention that I'm not technically allowed on the counter? I cocked my head and sensuously licked my lips as I looked over at Big D. I then looked over at the water faucet, wondering if I could get her to turn it on.

_"Oh, does BooBoo want some water?"_

She placed the water bowl on the counter in front of me. I sneered. Jesus, some of these humans are stupid. I walked over to the faucet.

_"Oh, I know what she wants."_

"That's right, slut. Turn that water on." I lapped up the ice cold, fresh flowing water. That's what I was meant to drink. Who's in charge now? Huh? That's right - I am. So, you can go now. Don't you worry about Big D. I'll make sure he forgets you.

We were all settled into a new routine. The new human spent way too much time in our room. She kept sitting on my pillow, so finally I had to mark it with my pee pee so she would get the freakin' point and leave our special pillow alone. Big D wasn't very happy with me, but he didn't yell. I think he realized I was mad. Took him long enough. Humans!

Still, it wasn't so bad once I had the dim bulb trained to open my cat food at my whims and turn the faucet on for me when ever I wanted. Sometimes I wasn't even thirsty. I just made her do it to keep her trained. Heh! That Persian tramp across the street didn't have her humans half as well trained.

~o=o~

One day, the other human and I were laying on the bed. When Big D came into the bedroom, I could instantly sense that he was ready to mate. I always liked watching. It was the best part of my day after getting wet food.

"Just because he frequently copulates with you, that doesn't mean you're his favorite. This was my bed before you arrived and will be mine and Big D's after I make you leave." As Big D was stripping off his clothing, I walked across the other human and put my butt in her face.

She tossed her undergarments at me, trying to shoo me off the bed.

_"Bella, I spent all day thinking about your bountiful bosom. I couldn't wait to feel your nipples in my mouth so I could give them the attention these sweet peaks deserve."_

I didn't know why he was trying to get milk from her. It's not like she had a litter of kittens anywhere nearby. Which is a good thing, as I'd hate to make a bunch of kittens leave, too. Well, if they were people kittens I wouldn't have let them in the house. People kittens are evil little things that pull my tail.

_"Oh YES, Daniel. Mmmmmm."_

They sure made a lot of noises.

_"Please let me pleasure your beautiful vagina with my long wet tongue."_

_"God Yes!"_

_"You like a little dirty talk don't you, you little vixen!"_

_"I do. I'm a bad girl!"_

He certainly enjoyed licking and grooming the fur between her legs. I turned away, disgusted. Why didn't he ever use his tongue on me? I always figured it was due to a lack of tongue barbs, but apparently, that wasn't the case.

_"Oooooh! Aaaaaah!"_

After a lot of screaming, she started grooming Big D's gonads and he seemed to like it. I wished he would let me groom him properly. His fur was getting a little wild down there. Since I was on the bed, right close, watching the whole time, I could tell that she wasn't very thorough. By the time they started copulating I was becoming rather aroused myself so I started cleansing my own genitals. Oooh, that felt good!

At least they didn't seem to mind me walking around the bed. After all, they needed to know who' this bed belonged to. I know I could do a better job than her. He could copulate with our pillow and let me groom him. We could be happy again.

She had to go!

~o=o~

_"I hate for you to go, but I know you have to. Here's your passport on the desk so you don't forget it. Do you think all this will fit back in your suitcase?"_

I was so excited that they were building me a special nest. Maybe she wasn't so bad after all? I crawled in and got comfortable. I saw that Big D placed her favorite blue book on the desk. It went everywhere with her. She was a really slow reader, I guess.

_"BooBoo Kitty, you're in the way. Come on, out you go!"_

He shut me out of my own room! The nerve! That was the last straw. I waited for everyone to go to sleep that night. It took a long time because Big D and her were going at it like they were in heat. Finally, I pawed the little book onto the floor and played with it like a mouse for a few minutes. Once that got boring, I picked it up in my teeth and dragged it into my lair for some special treatment before sleeping on the couch.

~o=o~

_"Oh no! I... uh... finally found it. It's soaked in cat urine and poo. Let me try and clean it off."_

_"Oh that's disgusting!"_

"Gotcha!" I preened, feeling superior.

Ooh! A mouse. They could finish cleaning off my good work while I went hunting. No mouse can live in our house - just one more thing I can do that she-human can't. It would make a wonderful snack later while Big D had his tea.

_"I know, but it'll still work. See, BooBoo Kitty just couldn't stand to see you leave! And to think I worried about the two women in my life not getting along."_

I watched her go, finally. Just me and Big D again. The way it should be. I think I'll go get my newly caught snack to celebrate. It might even be a little warm still. I buried it so nicely in my new nest, inside a soft sweater that smelled like Big D. Wait- where did my nest go? That bitch stole my nest! This isn't over. I'm going to use her as my scratching post when we meet again.

~o=o~

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**A/N: ****Sexy huh? I hope that satisfies those of you who have been dying for a lemon! tee hee  
**

**Special thanks to BooBoo_Kitty33 and her naughty tweets for providing so much inspiration. ;-)  
**


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